What’s a nice gift to give a pastry chef?
Flours.
***
Where do flour and eggs meet?
At a mixer.
***
What happened when the pancake met the spatula?
She flipped for him.
***
How did critics rate the new cooking show on TV?
They pan-ned it.
***
Why did the stove quit its job?
It got burned out.
***
How did the cops get the barbecued chicken to confess?
They kept grilling her.
***
What utensils do construction workers eat with?
Fork lifts.
***
What do football linebackers eat cereal from?
A super-bowl.
***
Why are refrigerators hard to make friends with?
Because they’re very cool customers.
***
Where are refrigerators built?
In Chile.
***
Where did the dirt take his date?
To the dust-ball.
***
Why did the load of laundry quit its job?
Its career was all washed up.
***
What kind of bike does a washing machine ride?
A spin cycle.
***
Why was the stick of deodorant so depressed?
Its life was the pits.
***
KID: Dad, why are people so fussy about their shampoo?
DAD: Because it’s hair today, gone tomorrow.
***
Why was the toilet paper having such good luck?
It was on a roll.
***
Why is it so tiresome to fix a broken shower?
The work is very drain-ing.
***
How can you tell that a toilet bowl is embarrassed?
It gets all flushed.
***
What’s a good name for a bathroom rug?
Matt.
***
How do rabbits keep their hair in good shape?
With a hare conditioner.
***
What kind of mail do air conditioners receive?
Fan mail.
***
Why did the sponge quit his job?
His career was all dried up.
***
Why was the faucet so worried?
It had a sink-ing feeling.
***
What makes towels so funny?
They have a dry sense of humor.
***
How do mirrors pass the time?
Reflecting on the passing scene.
***
Are razors smart?
Yes, they’re very sharp.
***
What was the curtain doing in the artist’s studio?
It was being drawn.
***
Why was the picture frame late for the meeting?
It got hung up.
***
Why do water pitchers get facials?
To clean out their pours.
***
Why don’t lamps get sunburned?
Because they’re always in the shade.
***
What’s the coolest part of the human body?
The hip.
***
How does a window get chosen for a house?
It has to be screened for the job.
***
Why don’t doors like to play with windows?
Because windows are a pane in the neck.
***
What’s a good name for a house plant?
Fern.
***
What’s a good name for a nail?
Rusty.
***
What cases does a library judge try?
Book-cases.
***
What do the library police do?
They book people.
***
How do babies cheat on tests?
They use crib notes.
***
What should you sit on at a rock concert?
A rockin’ chair.
***
What furniture helps you do your math homework?
A count-er.
***
What’s a good name for a mattress?
Bette.
***
What did the pillow say to the crying comforter?
“Why are you so down?”
***
What furniture is seldom seen in public?
Your drawers.
***
What vegetable watches too much television?
A couch potato.
***
What kind of chair wears a bracelet?
An arm chair.
***
What is the oldest piece of furniture in the house?
The grandfather clock.
***
What’s a clock’s favorite game?
Tick-Tock-Toe.
***
What happened when the picnic table played baseball?
It got bench-ed.
***
TOMMY: Hey, Bill, how much voltage is in a light bulb?
BILL: Watt does it matter?
***
Why was the daughter mailbox mad at the daddy mailbox?
Because he wouldn’t let-ter go to the mall.
***
JEFF: Hey, why did you throw out that calendar?
JENNIFER: Oh, it’s a little out date-d.
***
Why did the broom stay up so late at night?
Because it had trouble falling a-sweep.
