Fish are probably the most musical of all non-human critters because of their scales.
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When a blue whale is really upset he can become a blubbering idiot.
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The master asked his talking dog, “What’s on top of the house?” to which he answered, “Roof, roof!”
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You can tell the vast Savannah is a game preserve because the animals are always gamboling.
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The bird feeder in the backyard is the gathering place for a whole group of seedy critters.
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The phoenix is a mythical bird that rises from the dead after having made an ash of itself.
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Q: What’s a cow’s favorite seafood dish?
A: Moo-ssels, scallops, and clams.
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Camels are almost always happiest on hump day.
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The owl broke off the engagement because he needed time to figure out who he was.
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Zebras look essentially like horses, but they’re actually an animal of a different stripe.
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Chimpanzees have learned a great deal from their cousins just by aping them.
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Owls are the most prominent in the “Who’s Who” of avians.
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The crotchety owl was getting so old he just didn’t give a hoot.
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Raptors are the hip-hop artists of birds.
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Sheep are reliable as a sleep aid: you can always count on them.
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Q: What’s another name for cow pie?
A: Cow bowel moo-vement.
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PETA was very upset and concerned when it rained cats and dogs. They all ended up in a huge poodle.
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A rhinoceros showed up for band practice because he wanted to play in the horn section.
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The Rabbit King’s son, Prince Bunny, is the hare-apparent to the throne.
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Beware of turtles. They are shrewd con artists skilled in the classic shell game.
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The grizzly bear’s son started out in the newspaper business as a cub reporter.
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The shepherd pup loved playing with sticks: he was adorable and fetching.
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A hyena never does well as a stand-up comedian because no one likes someone who laughs at their own jokes.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and quackers.
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Mosquitoes usually leave everyone itching to get back at them.
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Mosquitoes aren’t subtle, they come right to the point.
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Mosquitoes are easily handled by a well-organized SWAT team.
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The irritating thing about mosquitoes in summer is they’re always needling you.
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The centipede hated going shopping, especially for shoes.
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The female octopus complained her date was terrible because he was all arms.
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Q: What do they do with cow’s milk after it’s processed?
A: They sell it to crea-moo-ries.
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When it comes to pride in construction, beavers do give a dam.
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Lightning bugs are a delight to children of all ages, even though they’re a fly-by-night insect.
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It’s an effort for a snake to shed its skin, but it takes little effort for a snake to cause a human to jump out of theirs.
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The teenage skunk was the butt of jokes because he just didn’t make any scents.
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Q: Why does the cow occasionally wear antlers?
A: When she’s drunk she thinks she’s a moo-se.
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Climate change is telling us that very soon, polar bears aren’t going to be able to go with the floe.
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It’s easier to take a pig out truffle hunting because they’re good at rooting out hidden treasures.
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Archaeologists are now thinking that the North American buffalo originated in ancient Italy. It’s where the buffalo Rome.
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Q: What do cows in Hawaii wear?
A: They wear moo-moos.
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A bare willow branch is called a switch. I wonder if that’s because it’s supposed to switch a mischievous boy to a good boy?
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You never see trees dressed formally because they only wear trunks.
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Q: How does a cow describe earth’s life-giving qualities?
A: She calls it Moo-ther Nature.
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Environmentalists feel that those who destroy old-growth forests should be prosecuted for treeson.
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Environmentalists fought hard against the engineers because they just didn’t want the dam project.
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Sheep rustlers when they’re finished with their work of the night usually take it on the lamb.
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The young man tried to steal several chickens but was caught red-handed because as a thief, he was a dumb cluck.
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Turkey farmers have a tough business because the turkeys are always gobbling up the profits.
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Q: What does an Eskimo cow yell to her dogsled team?
A: Moo-sh you huskies!
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The dog trainer tried very hard to teach her dog to chase and retrieve sticks, but he didn’t quite fetch how the game is played.
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Dog lovers have marriages that last because they know how to stay.
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Several ranchers once tried to raise hyenas for their meat but failed miserably because the animals were a total laughing stock.
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The rodeo performer wasn’t horsing around, and that’s no bull!
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You often see seniors walking their dogs after they retire. For them, it’s a new leash on life.
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Harvesting fish from the ocean is serious business and isn’t something done just for the halibut.
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The nature lovers weren’t sure if it was a dogwood or not. They couldn’t tell from the bark.
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Federal DEA agents made a surprise raid on a local community garden that had been allowed to go to pot.
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You should avoid using the phrase “potted plants” when describing your garden to avoid trouble with law enforcement.
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Q: What did the hippie cow secretly grow in her basement?
A: Psychedelic moo-shrooms.
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Growing mushrooms isn’t an easy business because you’re almost always in the dark.
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Curing cucumbers is a delicate process because one misstep and you end up in a pickle.
