Dad Jokes: Language & Writing

The ex-CIA agent wrote an exposé of his years working in black ops that ran on for nearly 400 redacted pages.

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A dictionary is always a nice gift because it’s a word to the wise.

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A dictionary is the very definition of a language.

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Supposedly, if you have a dictionary in the house, you’ll never be at a loss for words.

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Workers at publishing houses that print dictionaries appreciate their breaks when they can sit for a spell.

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The playwright undertook a major project of putting Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary on Broadway as a play on words.

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When the play Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary opened on Broadway, it was a defining moment in American theater.

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Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary as a play had dialogue so thick it was hard to ad lib and get a word in edgewise.

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Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary as a play was so complex it was hard for the actors to memorize their lines word for word.

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Critics felt that every word in the play Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary was full of meaning.

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The play Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary received critical acclaim, but due to low ticket sales, it was sadly shelved.

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If you have to eat your words, it’d be handy to have a thesaurus on hand to spice them up.

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There’s another word for someone who loves the thesaurus.

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Writing a short story is better than not writing a tall.

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It’s not true that writing a short story doesn’t take very long.

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The dwarf set out to write an autobiography, but ended up writing a short story.
I’ve plagiarized most of the materials for my memoir. I’m calling it The Purloined Letter.

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Do chain letters actually link people together?

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If a witch wants to publish her personal journal, it will be printed with a spell binding.

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Before a witch casts a spell, she’ll submit it for a spell-check.

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Accomplished writers who are well published you could say have the “write stuff.”

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When the arborist had a coffee table book about trees published, he invited readers to leaf through its pages.

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Q: Why did the cow want to become a writer?
A: Because she felt she had a moo-ving story to tell.

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It’s difficult to get an appointment with the successful author because her calendar is fully booked.

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The writer was having a dry spell so took some time off to let his children play with his writer’s blocks.

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The writer was excited because she thought she had a novel idea with a dramatic twist.

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When the novelist retired, she built herself a loom so she could take up weaving yarns instead of stories.

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The poems most enigmatic are those with neither rhyme nor reason.

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Poetry is lyrical, and internally, its form stanza lone.

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Poetry is painting a landscape with words scene primarily by the heart.

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A love-struck poet constructs the internal meter precisely in order to meet her.

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Writers of puns are a community of people who put a word in for each other.

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There’s a word for those who love puns.

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A pun is a wordplay that opens on the Broadway of your imagination.

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If ignorance is bliss, why in hell did you tell me the problem?

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One of the principal teachings of Buddhism is simply, “No thyself…”

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What if it isn’t “word of mouth?”

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A leap of faith isn’t exactly the same thing as jumping to conclusions. On the other hand, it’s not anything worth arguing over.

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What do you call someone’s bluff?

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What nickname would you have if your given name is “Nick”?

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One could revolutionize the world of books and reading by creating a page-turner.

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When you try to read between the lines, sometimes it turns out to be nothing.

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Q: What’s the best way for a cow to learn a language?
A: Through total im-moo-rsion.

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Q: What did the French cow’s boyfriend say to her?
A: Moo-la-la.

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Q: What does a Mexican cow say when she meets someone for the first time?
A: “Moo-cho gusto!”

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Q: What does a Mexican cow say when things are going well?
A: “Moo-y bueno.”

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Q: What does a Mexican cow say when it gets above 100 degrees?
A: “Moo-y caliente!”

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Mexican immigrants crossing our southern border do so to make it to the American “sí” side.

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When the rabbi concluded the service he said, “Shofar so good…”

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When the sign language interpreter broke her hand, she spoke with an accent.

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Sign language interpreters have to be careful not to make offhand comments that will come back to haunt them.

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The sign language interpreter took exception to the deaf student’s left-handed compliment.

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The book publisher came out with a sign language dictionary in digital format.

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Sign language interpreters have to lean sideways to translate something in italics.

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The sign language interpreter carried on a warm conversation with a deaf client while wearing fur-lined gloves.

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Sign language is a handy communication medium, and has always had a digital component.

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The mime’s attorney said his client couldn’t testify because his hands were tied.

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The valedictorian at the Mime University graduation was so totally overwhelmed she was at a loss for words.

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When the introvert was selected as the valedictorian for the Mime University graduation, preparing her speech turned out to be a handful.

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Children competing in the Scripps National Spelling Bee train by standing for a spell.

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On the matter of teaching cursive writing to students, the local school board threw the teachers a curve in how to do it.

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The English teacher had a serious condition and following her surgery, came out of it with a semicolon.

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The grammarian’s condition after a lengthy illness worsened briefly, and she slipped into a comma for a short period before recovering.

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The cryptologist spent his whole professional career deciphering ancient texts but couldn’t make heads or tails of the handwriting on the wall.

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The India ink was convicted of being involved in terrible penmanship and is now in the pen finishing a long sentence.

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The pencil said to the fountain pen, “You’re writing too slowly! Get the lead out!”