Why did the vampire see a therapist?
Because he was going batty.
***
Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
Because he couldn’t stop coffin.
***
Where does Dracula brush his teeth?
In the bat-room like everyone else, silly!
***
How did the butcher kill the vampire?
He drove a steak through his heart.
***
What does Dracula wear on cold winter days?
His fang-ora sweater.
***
Which computer did Dracula buy?
The one with the most bytes.
***
Is Frankenstein a scary monster?
Yes! Of corpse, he is!
***
GHOST #1: Hey, why are you wearing that bandage on your finger?
GHOST #2: Oh, I got a boo boo.
***
What do goblins take to the beach on Halloween?
Sand-witches.
***
What is King Kong’s favorite dessert?
Ape-le pie à la mode.
***
What do you call it when King Kong and Queen Kong have a fight?
Gorilla warfare.
***
Why did the king have to move to an uglier castle?
Because he got de-moat-ed.
***
What did Captain Hook say to Peter Pan after their fight?
“Ahoy, matey. Why don’t you and eye patch things up and be friends?”
***
How do you get to a magical place?
Take a fairy boat ride.
***
How was Captain Hook’s surprise party?
Nice, but the crew went a little overboard with the decorations.
***
Why did Captain Hook get arrested?
He got caught pirating computer software.
***
What do pirates munch on while sailing the open seas?
Cans of sword-ines.
***
How was the Easter Bunny’s vacation?
Egg-cellent!
***
Will the Easter Bunny’s injury heal?
Yes, the doctors are very hop-ful.
***
Why was the Easter Bunny late for the Easter parade?
He was getting his hare done at the salon.
***
How does Santa tend to his crops?
With a ho, ho, ho.
***
How did the librarian tell Santa’s helpers to be quiet?
“Sh-elves!”
***
What do elves surf on?
Micro-waves.
***
How do you measure a castle?
Use a ruler!
***
What did King Arthur say to Sir Lancelot as he was leaving the party?
“Good knight!”
***
Does Snow White have lots of friends?
Yeah, but one is a little Dopey.
***
Who makes a butterfly’s wish come true?
The fairy god-moth-er.
***
How does your dentist get to work each morning?
He takes the tooth ferry.
***
What would Winnie the Pooh do after his wedding?
Go on his honey-moon.
***
Why was the dragon depressed?
He got fire-ed.
***
GENIE: Hey, doc, why do I feel so stressed out?
THERAPIST: Because your feelings are all bottled up!
***
What jewelry did the headless horseman get for his birthday?
A neck-less.
***
What animated film do eggs just adore?
Poach-ahontas.
***
What type of sport utility vehicle would a dinosaur drive?
A Bronco-saurus.
***
BOY: What’s your favorite part of the circus?
GIRL: The lion tamer act.
BOY: Why?
GIRL: Because it’s the mane event
